2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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