yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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