You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
