What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
