I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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