Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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