Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
