you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
