Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
