This girl is more easily done than said...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
