I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
