How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
