Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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