Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
