Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
are you so shy because you have an std?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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