You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
