I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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