somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize