you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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