it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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