apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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