We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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