I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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