I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
