Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
