Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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