I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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