for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
