Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
