Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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