Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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