He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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