Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
