And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
