you would pick up someone in the library
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
