Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize