I just saw a hot homeless man
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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