No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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