just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
