need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
