I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
