Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
handjob tips. give me some.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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