Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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