i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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