I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
