I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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