Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
