Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so let's talk penis.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize