so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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