The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
