New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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