On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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