U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize