woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
