i just wanna soil my oats bro
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
