I wish I could teleport
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
