I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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