i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
