I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
