Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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