Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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