Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
