he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
