unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
did i just pee glitter
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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