My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
