he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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