Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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